How we speak to our children is a matter of great importance. From infancy onward, children listen to and model themselves after the people who care for them. Despite our best intentions, outside pressures can sometimes prevent us from treating children with the sensitivity and respect they deserve. The following tips may be helpful to both teachers and parents as they talk to the children in their life. 1. Use a quiet but firm tone of voice. A quiet voice is calming and reassuring to children. 2. Use “I” messages rather than “You” messages. Take responsibility for your own emotions, and expect children to do the same. Begin with “I feel angry when you….”instead of “You make me feel angry when you…” 3. Give Choices. When children are offered choices, they learn that they can have control over situations. Limit choices to two alternatives: “Isabella, you may ride the trike slowly without bumping into other children, or you may choose a different activity. 4. Acknowledge children’s feelings. Say “I can see that you’d really like to play with the shopping cart, but right now its Casey’s turn.” Children will know that you respect their desires, even if you cannot approve of or allow their behavior. 5. Use humor. Humor makes setbacks easier to handle (for children and adults). For instance, if a child accidentally falls off his chair, you might say, “Oh no! Is that chair playing tricks on you again?” 6. Offer gentle reminders. Reiterate the rules in short, positive sentences. Try “Please walk” instead of “Don’t run.” 7. Teach techniques for conflict resolution. Give your children the words they need to make their feelings know. For example, encourage them to responds to aggression by saying “Don’t hit me. I don’t like it.” 8. Focus on the positive. Let your children know that pro-social behavior is worth noticing. Strive to say, “Everyone really appreciates the way you cleaned up” more often than you say, “don’t do that”. 9. Separate the action from the person. When it’s necessary to correct your children’s behavior, make sure they understand that you still care about and accept them, even though their behavior is not acceptable. Be nonjudgmental. Instead of saying, “You’re a bad girl for biting Stephanie”, try “you may not bite. That hurts Stephanie, and I cannot let you hurt her or other children.” 10. Explain the rules. Rules aren’t arbitrary; there are reasons why certain behaviors are expected. Let your children know the rationale behind your group rules, and enlist their help in establishing new ones. Be direct and concise. “You need to use your inside voice. It hurts my ears when you shout.” Comments are closed.
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WVCSD Elementary school counselingJeanette Myrick, Children Learn What They Live Archives
May 2017
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